I’m a creature of philosophical thought.  I can’t avoid it.  I have always spent a lot of energy pondering life, “the truth out there” and our true nature.  Maybe it’s been a lot of wasted time and energy.

In this blog, I have already argued some pretty strong (biased?) and generally unpopular philosophical positions.  In fact, I have lost friends who will  not condone my view of life.  So be it.  I hadn’t written “philosophy” in several months.  The reason is that I’ve been consumed with doubts.  Those doubts have not really subsided much, but it’s time to write.

On Monday, I was having a conversation with a few friends.  We meditated together and we got to the topic of our “true nature”.  And suddenly, I asked a question I had never asked myself: does it really matter what our true nature is?  Does philosophical thought really make that much difference?  If so, why or how?  For some, the answers may be obvious.  But not to me right now.

For years I have believed that our true nature is “the intelligent animal”.  This was articulated in my post following the book by the same name, “Sex at Dawn“.  I cannot say that this has changed in a meaningful way, but in a way it has been enhanced and not necessarily for the better.

Let’s stay with the intelligent animal for a minute.  Is the intelligent animal really the gentle, cooperative, loving kind?  Or are we inherently selfish, deceitful and violent?  As I understand it, the archeological evidence is mixed.  We are hunters by nature, so there is an inherent undercurrent of violence in our genes even though it may be very suppressed.  Even if we go to the last 10,000 years of history as sedentary and agrarian, we as a society continue consuming meat extensively, which requires killing of living creatures, in other words, violence.  So there is that in our nature.  Dare I turn on the news any day now?

On the other hand, we see expressions of love and gentleness all around us as well.  It’s everywhere if we look hard enough.  Starting with the incredibly profound experience of motherly love which can last decades unabated by conflict, abuse and disrespect.   Yet many mothers can “stick with it” no matter what.

I would like to believe that our true nature does go back to our hunter-gatherer days, as romantically represented today by isolated cultures such as the famous bushmen of southern Africa.  But then, we also have the last 10,000 years of history which we cannot ignore.  I have no doubt in my mind that those 10,000 years represent a critical change in history and we cannot escape it.  We are agrarian, sedentary, urban, possessive, individualistic, in a way that we probably were not for the previous 200,000 or maybe 3,000,000 years.  Where did that come from?  Is that pure coincidence?  Was it the inevitable outcome of climate and development?

For the past 9 months, I have been immersed in “Ancient Aliens”, the TV show, the books (Zecharia  Sitchin), the Youtube channels, you name it.  With that, come along a lot of “conspiracy theories”.  It becomes very confusing.  What is the truth?  There is irrefutable evidence that “something strange” has gone on.  I have seen it with my own eyes and touched it with my own hands in the magnificent perfect gigantic stones of Perú (Cuzco, Machu Picchu, the Sacred Valley).  The History Channel TV show is replete with fascinating physical evidence.  I learned a lot through it.  But then if that’s true and our history is not what it seems, then what else is true?  Are we being visited by “aliens” now?  Does the government know and cover up?  Is NASA another Hollywood studio (i.e., is space travel a lie)?  Is the earth flat?  Did Paul McCartney die in 1966?  I recently read about a study on gullibility which showed that once you believe one conspiracy theory, you are much more likely to believe in more.

Well, “the truth” is out there and it’s probably somewhere in between the crazy list of the prior paragraph.  Which takes us back to Zecharia Sitchin, Ancient Aliens and creationism vs. evolution.  Something strange happened 10,000 years ago.  And then it kept happening after that as well (the last 300 years!!!).  There is something in our nature that has had “divine” or maybe “design” elements to it.  I cannot say it makes us “special” but it does impact the course.

So I cannot avoid believing that our “true nature” is the intelligent animal, supercharged with specific knowledge provided by non-conventional, non-linear sources.  Maybe those sources are in the purely spiritual realm (i.e., divine inspiration) or maybe a very physical presences (i.e., the Annunaki literally conversing with humans) or a blend.

Let’s say “the truth” involves the Annunaki in some way.  And let’s also say that the bible intersects the story of the Annunaki.  Is the god of the old testament Enlil?  Or Ninurta?  Or maybe even Marduk?  I’ve been the reading the bible from beginning to end and the truth is that it’s not a flattering story.  It’s a story with a lot of violence, war, forced relocations, “re-accommodation”, where the theme of unflinching adoration for a jealous and technically powerful god who hates the image of the golden calf.  Sounds a lot like the bad-tempered Marduk in Sitchin , despising the Enlil clan, represented by the bull.

The Annunaki have a lot of different characters, ranging from the loving and noble to the zealously single minded in power and control.  That’s also who we are today.

Sitchin’s stories of the Annunaki are very mundane.  They are people with a lot of technology, they live a very long time but they also die.  A mystery to me which is not treated at all in Sitchin is the spiritual nature of the Annunaki.  By that what I mean is their relationship to the divine but rather their relationship to the spiritual world.  There is a lot of description in the bible of god communicating with prophets through dreams.  Do the Annunaki have a physical presence and also have a direct control over spiritual “space”?  This opens up a lot of profound questions that I don’t think we can even begin to fathom.

I have delved into the “supernatural” ever since I was a kid.  UFO lore fascinates me.  Ancient aliens fascinate me.  I have trekked around past lives, reincarnation, regression out of body experiences, you name it.  But as I go along the way and get passionately immersed in something, I generally end up asking myself, “so how does this matter, how does this change my life”?

I have no doubt that our nature is a very mixed bag of devilishness and sainthood.  Nothing really new there, but it’s important to constantly remember as I try to feel holier than though.  I am also endowed with the possibility to access knowledge and wisdom beyond the natural reality.

Ultimately it doesn’t change a thing if the earth is flat or Paul McCartney died in 1966, just like my life is no different if the landing on the moon we saw on July 20, 1969 was really staged in a studio in Nevada.  How on earth would I really know the truth?  But does that change the fact that when I wake up I see my wife next to me?  Or that I have cheese and fruit for breakfast?  Or that I walk the streets of Manhattan in the morning as I commute to work?  None of that changes whether the truth is conventional or outrageous.  Life is just the sum of my perceptions, choices, words, actions, feelings, etc.  Life happens behind my eyes.